Winter Lies

When folks who live up North fantasize about moving somewhere warmer, they frequently come up with the lame excuse, “but I would miss the changing seasons.” Do not count me in that group. I have never been much of a fan of winter. In fact, I really, really dislike it. Always have. I often have told the story of being about 5 years old and going outside to shovel snow with my Dad. When I found out we were only going to do the sidewalks, I got mad and went inside. I thought we were going to get rid of ALL the snow. No such luck. In fact, my favorite thing to do during the winter is to wait for spring. John Donne would be proud of me.

As I drove into my garage this morning it occurred to me that winter is a great time to deceive ourselves with grandiose plans for Spring. I looked around the garage and quickly took note of some of the things I would do “when things warm up a bit.” It is a brand new garage, in need of some homey touches, like a whole string of old Kentucky flags hanging from the first rafter near the rear wall. I can do that. And, maybe that will even get done. Other plans are on shakier ground.

Winter lies are not exactly like New Year’s Resolutions. The resolutions are more ritualistic than simple winter lies. Resolutions are more like goals that we will TRY to attain. Winter lies are self-deceptions that we really believe, almost. Here are some of mine.

This spring, I am going to fill in some of the holes and indentations made in my yard by burrowing animals. It is almost dangerous to mow my grass in certain areas because of the holes that lurk in the yard waiting to grab an unsuspecting ankle. So, this spring, I will take care of that.

And, I might start running again. I used to run a lot and was actually quite good at it. Sure, I am 30 pounds heavier now and every time I have tried running in the past 10 years I have either torn or pulled a calf muscle. But, if I work out this winter – and I have been – and stretch my calf muscles everyday – I started today – maybe I can get back into running. And, if I somehow fail at that, at least I can bike more. Biking will improve my health, tone my body, save money on gas and reduce the size of my carbon footprint. Plus, since I do not currently own a working bicycle, buying one will also help bolster the sagging economy.

My golf game also needs attention. On the cold, cold days I watch golf on TV and suddenly I gain all sorts of insights into my problems. I now KNOW why I cannot hit a decent 6-iron on a par-3 with any degree of consistency. So, if I can devote just one hour a week to practice, I think I can shave enough strokes off of my game to be consistently mediocre. And that would be a very nice improvement indeed.

You know, it might just be easier to move to a warmer climate. Then, I would not have all this time to think about what I will do when it warms up a little. But then, I’d miss the seasons.