SI Swimsuit Issue -- What's the Point?

I just don’t get the SI Swimsuit issue anymore. Oh, I mean I get it – it shows up in my mailbox once a year – but I just don’t get it. I no longer see the point of it. It seems to me to be an idea whose time has long since come and gone.

The first swimsuit issue was published in 1964 in an attempt to fill a mid-winter void in the sports calendar. I won’t pretend to be an SI Swimsuit historian, but my fuzzy memory thinks the early issues contained 8 or 10 pages of models in bathing suits. Back then, as a 13 year old kid, that was kind of cool. I mean, even the Sears catalogue could be exciting at that age. As the years went on the pages grew thicker as the swimsuits – and the models – grew thinner. Now, SI devotes and entire fat issue to its “swimsuit models” and in some cases there are no swimsuits at all – just body paint. But, back to my original point, which is -- just what is the point?

At first the issue was just a whim, a warm way to fill some pages in the middle of a cold winter. Then, it became titillation. Eventually it became defiance, of a sort. The really interesting isssue was the one that came a few weeks later when SI published many of its more entertaining “cancel my subscription” letters. But surely, SI did not take those letters very seriously. Cheryl Tiegs’ famous fishnet suit in 1978 produced a record number of cancellation letters – 340. I suspect that number is an insignificant rounding for SI. Instead, SI forged onward, trying to see just how far they could push the envelope and still stay in the mainstream.

The SI Swimsuit issue did become a bit of a status symbol for aspiring super models, many of whom graced its pages. In addition to the infamous Tiegs – who was also known for her disgusting ads for Virginia Slims – other household names included Christie Brinkley, Elle Macpherson, Heidi Klum, Cindy Crawford and the incomparable Kathy Ireland (pictured). (I must digress for a moment now. It seems to me that Tiegs and Ireland were the sexual bookends in the twisted psyche of American men. The question still arises – Ginger or MaryAnn? The overtly gorgeous, sexual predator or the cute and wholesome “girl next door?” Tiegs or Ireland? Natalie Gulbis or Paula Creamer? For the record, my choice is MaryAnn, Ireland and Creamer – every time.)

But, none of these rationales make any sense any longer. Even at its boldest, the swimsuit issue is still tame by today’s standards. Despite SI’s efforts to pump them up, its models are no more than nameless, faceless bodies. As it has done in major league baseball, expansion of the swimsuit issue has rendered its participants largely anonymous to all but its most devoted fans. Even the protest letters have lost their appeal. I am about the furthest thing you will ever find from a prude, but I barely do more than thumb through it for a couple of minutes as the silly pages flash by in a blur.

So, why is the issue still around? Oh, come on, you know the answer to that one. The 2005 issue generated $35 million in advertising. What a country!

Oh well, at least it gave us Kathy Ireland.

Valentine's Day -- Bahh Humbug!

If it’s Sunday it must mean that its time for a new post, and so here we go. But, what to write about?

Well, it occurs to me that for the shortest month of the year, February certainly has its share of holidays. Maybe that is designed to distract us from this dreadful weather. This year in particular is packed tight with special days. We start with Groundhog Day and then move through Mardis Gras, Ash Wednesday, The Chinese New Year, Valentine’s Day, Lincoln’s Birthday, President’s Day and Washington’s Birthday. And, that does not even include the feast of St. Blaise when Catholics are supposed to get their throats blessed. I think the timing of that feast is set to keep us from choking on fish bones during Lent.

If you have been paying attention thus far, you already know that Groundhog Day is my favorite holiday. But, just a dozen days later, we encounter my least favorite holiday – Valentine’s Day. What? How can a civilized American be against a day that celebrates love? Well, for the same reason I do not like country clubs, first-class seats on airplanes and Notre Dame. It is elitist and exclusionary. Whenever the 14th of February rolls around I always seem to be on the outside in the snow looking in through the plate glass window that separates those in love from the rest of us poor schmucks. And, unlike a country club or Notre Dame, I cannot even buy my way in. What’s more, our culture really has not presented us with any suitable alternatives.

For example, persons of the Jewish faith celebrate Hanukkah while Christians celebrate Christmas. African Americans have Kwanzaa. Even utter pagans can revel in the secular nature of the holidays, or, as a last resort, create their own holiday such as the Castanzas did with Festivus. I suppose I could go that route, but complaining and indulging in self-pity just seems so much easier and more satisfying.

It is not that I have never been in love. On the contrary, I am almost always in love. And, on a few rare occasions, the object of my desire has even liked me back, at least a little. But, even the best of times always seem to be in a low trough during Valentine’s Day. I would estimate that no more than 4 or 5 times in my life have I been in a mutually smitten position on the 14th of February. Not that that is all bad, mind you. I have probably saved enough money on flowers, chocolates, dinners and gifts to fund a substantial portion of my dwindling 401(k).

Cupid is viewed as the traditional Valentine’s Day icon. The diapered dandy floats around in the sky aiming his careless arrows at unsuspecting mortals. Well, Cupid may work for you, but not for me. My Valentine’s hero is none other than Good Ol’ Charlie Brown, hopelessly pining away for that little red-haired girl to whom he has never uttered a word, whom he knows virtually nothing about and who knows even less of him. But still, he waits, camped out faithfully by the mailbox. Maybe in that sense, Valentine’s Day does share something with Groundhog Day. They both represent hope in the face of seemingly hopeless circumstances. However, the difference is that while the promise of Groundhog Day is always fulfilled as part of the cyclical nature of life, the whimsical wishes Valentine’s Day usually wilt like so many sacrificial flowers.

So, here’s to you, Charlie Brown. You are indeed a good man. And, to the rest of you, I hope you choke on a chocolate bon bon.

Groundhog Day -- A Time of Hope

Anyone who knows me knows that Groundhog Day is my favorite holiday. The rebel in me likes it because, to a large degree, I can claim it as my own. Long before it was fashionable to do so – if indeed it has ever become fashionable to do so – I used to send out Groundhog Day cards. At first, I would make my own cards with simple little sayings – “Thought I’d just pop up to say / Have a happy Groundhog Day.” But, as my mailing list grew, it was no longer practical to produce my own cards and so I would substitute any sort of blank card with a springtime scene on the front. And now, on this Groundhog Day 2008, I find myself with a blog that allows me to comment to my heart’s desire without ever sending a single card or email message.

Focus becomes the biggest challenge. There are so many things I could write about. There is the lovable rodent’s weather prognostication, astrological significance of the day, psychological implications, the fabulous, if often misunderstood movie, and works of literature. Let me try to focus on just a few, excluding the weather forecast, which is the least important of all.

GHD is anchored in the calendar because it is a cross-quarter day. Basically, this is a day that is half way between the equinoxes and solstices. In essence, it is the halfway point of one of the four seasons. So, whether or not the Groundhog sees his shadow, we are half way through winter. That in itself is reason for celebration. Cross quarter days have changed through the centuries and different dates and days are celebrated in different cultures. The ones we most commonly recognize, in addition to GHD, are May Day, Lammas Day (OK, that one is obscure!) and Halloween.

Clearly, Groundhog Day the day received a boost in popularity with the release of Groundhog Day the movie. This is a flick that irritates many with its constantly repeating scenes that bring nothing but frustration to dim-witted viewers. After several viewings – and isn’t that ironic in itself – one begins to see some of the deeper themes running through the story. The implications of actions without consequences, the importance of treating people well, the possibilities of what we can become, and the awesome, unimaginable responsibilities and burdens of being a “god,” the thanklessness that playing that role entails and finally, with the death of the old man, the limitations of even god-like power. Even if you have seen the movie before, see it again. That is what I plan to do this evening.

If you want a good book – no, a GREAT book - on Groundhog Day for your son or daughter, niece or nephew, or adult-child friend, I highly recommend Judy Cox’s wonderful book Go To Sleep, Groundhog! It is a children’s book in which the Groundhog settles down for his annual hibernation only to encounter chronic insomnia. His many attempts at sleep prove fruitless and so he gets up and walks around outside time and again. In the process, he experiences Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas all for the very first time. He is full of wonderment at all the amazing things he witnesses that he has never known existed. Check it out – it will be worth your while.

But finally, Groundhog Day is important because it embodies that most essential of all human qualities – hope. In the midst of the year’s most chilling and numbing season, we all stop, if only for a moment, and look forward to the inevitable coming of Spring. It is a time when we come together as a species and formally acknowledge our disdain for this dreadful season that we are forced to endure and express our collective hope for better days ahead. It is not New Years Day that marks a fresh start in our lives, but rather it is Groundhog Day. As I wrote in one of my earliest Groundhog Day cards:

Some folks think the new year starts
Whenever the old one ends.
But in the midst of winter’s cold
Our thinking often bends.
The year begins when life begins
And nothing grows in snow
Until the Groundhog brings some hope
From deep within his hole.

Finally, let me leave you with another of my early verses:

When snow and ice are all around
And cold winds blow your way
You best think twice before you frown
It’s time for Groundhog Day!

The final message of Groundhog Day is this – no matter what form that cold chill in your life may be taking, it will get better.

Here’s hoping your Groundhog Day is a joyous one indeed.