SI Swimsuit Issue -- What's the Point?

I just don’t get the SI Swimsuit issue anymore. Oh, I mean I get it – it shows up in my mailbox once a year – but I just don’t get it. I no longer see the point of it. It seems to me to be an idea whose time has long since come and gone.

The first swimsuit issue was published in 1964 in an attempt to fill a mid-winter void in the sports calendar. I won’t pretend to be an SI Swimsuit historian, but my fuzzy memory thinks the early issues contained 8 or 10 pages of models in bathing suits. Back then, as a 13 year old kid, that was kind of cool. I mean, even the Sears catalogue could be exciting at that age. As the years went on the pages grew thicker as the swimsuits – and the models – grew thinner. Now, SI devotes and entire fat issue to its “swimsuit models” and in some cases there are no swimsuits at all – just body paint. But, back to my original point, which is -- just what is the point?

At first the issue was just a whim, a warm way to fill some pages in the middle of a cold winter. Then, it became titillation. Eventually it became defiance, of a sort. The really interesting isssue was the one that came a few weeks later when SI published many of its more entertaining “cancel my subscription” letters. But surely, SI did not take those letters very seriously. Cheryl Tiegs’ famous fishnet suit in 1978 produced a record number of cancellation letters – 340. I suspect that number is an insignificant rounding for SI. Instead, SI forged onward, trying to see just how far they could push the envelope and still stay in the mainstream.

The SI Swimsuit issue did become a bit of a status symbol for aspiring super models, many of whom graced its pages. In addition to the infamous Tiegs – who was also known for her disgusting ads for Virginia Slims – other household names included Christie Brinkley, Elle Macpherson, Heidi Klum, Cindy Crawford and the incomparable Kathy Ireland (pictured). (I must digress for a moment now. It seems to me that Tiegs and Ireland were the sexual bookends in the twisted psyche of American men. The question still arises – Ginger or MaryAnn? The overtly gorgeous, sexual predator or the cute and wholesome “girl next door?” Tiegs or Ireland? Natalie Gulbis or Paula Creamer? For the record, my choice is MaryAnn, Ireland and Creamer – every time.)

But, none of these rationales make any sense any longer. Even at its boldest, the swimsuit issue is still tame by today’s standards. Despite SI’s efforts to pump them up, its models are no more than nameless, faceless bodies. As it has done in major league baseball, expansion of the swimsuit issue has rendered its participants largely anonymous to all but its most devoted fans. Even the protest letters have lost their appeal. I am about the furthest thing you will ever find from a prude, but I barely do more than thumb through it for a couple of minutes as the silly pages flash by in a blur.

So, why is the issue still around? Oh, come on, you know the answer to that one. The 2005 issue generated $35 million in advertising. What a country!

Oh well, at least it gave us Kathy Ireland.